The Covenant

WHEREAS the Board desires an orderly community; and WHEREAS Mars has declined to cooperate; and WHEREAS somebody has to be in charge; the Association hereby adopts the following, effective retroactively.

Article I — Definitions

"Resident" means any person, robot, or ambitious rock residing on, orbiting, or emotionally attached to Mars. "The Board" means Greg. "Common areas" means Mars. "Reasonable" means whatever the Board decides, and the Board has decided.

Article II — Dust

Dust is strictly prohibited on all exterior surfaces. Dust is also mandatory, being the Community's principal building material, weather system, and cultural heritage. Residents cited under this Article may cure the violation by removing Mars from Mars. No Resident has yet cured the violation.

Article III — Fences and Setbacks

All fences shall observe a three-meter setback from the property line. A lot with no fence is deemed to have a fence of zero meters, which violates the setback. There is accordingly no compliant fence. The Board thanks you in advance for your cooperation, which is impossible.

Article IV — Quiet Hours

Quiet hours are observed continuously, the atmosphere being too thin to carry meaningful sound. Violations of quiet hours are therefore physically impossible, and remain fully citable. Fines are doubled for noise nobody heard, as such noise shows premeditation.

Article V — Holiday Decorations

All decorations must be removed within thirty (30) sols of the conclusion of any holiday observed on any planet. Given the number of planets, moons, and bodies the Board still privately considers planets, at least one holiday is always concluding. Decorations are therefore in permanent violation. Happy holidays from the Board.

Article VI — The Community Pool

The community pool is frozen, theoretical, and closed for maintenance. Diving is not permitted into water that does not exist. Pool hours coincide with quiet hours (see Article IV). Guests must be accompanied by a Resident and a physicist willing to explain the situation.

Article VII — Pets

All pets must be leashed, pressurized, and hypothetical, with a limit of two (2) hypothetical pets per household. Pet waste must be collected immediately and preserved for science. The Board notes that no pet has ever been observed in the Community, and considers this a policy success.

Article VIII — Vehicles and Speed

The Community speed limit is 0.14 kilometers per hour, in solidarity with the rover. Vehicles observed exceeding this limit will be reported to NASA as an anomaly. Street parking is permitted anywhere, there being no streets, and shall still generate citations.

Article IX — Governance and Elections

The Board is elected annually in a free and fair contest between two candidates named Greg. Write-in candidates are welcome, provided they are named Greg. The losing Greg serves as Treasurer, Secretary, and opposition party. Turnout has historically been strong among Gregs.

Article X — Architectural Review

All exterior modifications require the prior written approval of the Architectural Committee. Applications are denied by default, including applications never submitted, drafted, or imagined; Residents are encouraged to appeal decisions on structures they had no intention of building. The Committee's ruling is final and, in most cases, predates the application.

Article XI — Dues and Assessments

Dues are one United States dollar ($1) per month, payable by a benefactor on the Resident's behalf, the Resident having no access to currency, banking, or air. Dues are non-negotiable, non-refundable, and non-serious. Late payments accrue interest at the ambient temperature, currently minus sixty-three.

Article XII — Grievances

Grievances may be filed in person at the community center, Amazonis Planitia, on the second Tuesday of each month. Bring your own oxygen. Grievances are heard in the order in which they freeze. To date, all grievances have been resolved in favor of the Board, or of the cold.

Article XIII — Enforcement

Violations are enforced by strongly worded letter. Continued violations escalate to a more strongly worded letter. The Board reserves, as ultimate recourse, a letter so strongly worded it has never been drafted, out of concern for everyone's safety. There is no step four.

Article XIV — Liability

The Association disclaims all liability for meteor strikes, radiation, homesickness, existential dread, dust (see Article II), and Phobos, which is falling, slowly, toward all of us. Residents assume every risk of dwelling 225 million kilometers, on average, from the nearest emergency plumber. In the event any provision of this Covenant is found unenforceable, that finding is itself unenforceable.

ADOPTED UNANIMOUSLY BY GREG
Attested by: the other Greg, Treasurer
Executed at the community center, Amazonis Planitia, on a second Tuesday.
Revision 8 to follow upon recovery of Revisions 1 through 6.